Today’s entry in the best of the interweb series is a bit of a cheat. That’s because today’s entry is part of the Lowdown empire. Kill Me Now is a website that catalogues stories submitted by our readers that make them scream “Kill me now!” Since the site hit 300 stories this week, here’s a look back at the best stories featured so far.

(All stories in this post should be considered sic’d.)

my guy friend had a really bad case of the farts today. i was sitting across from him and he bent over to pick up his pencil and whacked me right in the face. He laughed so hard he farted while aimed at me. KMN

My family was talking about how people’s hair goes gray when they get old. My grandma mentioned that she was initially attracted to my grandpa because of his red hair and was sad when it turned gray. “It’s ok,” she continued, “his pubic hair is still red.”  KMN

I found out my 19-year-old daughter is pregnant. The father is a toss-up between my 45 year-old best friend, and the 30-year-old guy who cleans our pool. KMN

My girlfriend’s best friend was dumped and was completely depressed. My girlfriend thought she’d show her sympathy by breaking up with me so they “could be single together.” KMN

I told my friend how I liked this girl but was too scared to ask her out. He told me “Why? The worst she’s going to do is say no.” Building confidence, I approached her and asked her on a date. Then she replied “Get away douchebag!” and kicked me in the nuts. KMN!

I woke up to the sound of sirens this morning. My ex-girlfriend, who I had broken up with the day before, had set my car on fire. I had just finished restoring it. I was going to insure it today. KMN

My crush walked me home today. As my mom opened the door, she told me in Russian how ugly he is and that I have extremely bad taste. Out of all the languages in the world, he happens to be fluent in Russian. KMN!

Last night, I went on what was supposed to be a date with the guy I’ve been in love with for a year. While on said “date,” he called another girl and asked her out for later that night. KMN!

I went on a blind date today. About 20 minutes into it, after giving her my arm to hold, like a true gentleman, it came up in conversation that my brother is gay. Her response: “Oh, so both you and your brother are gay?” KMN

I was meeting my sister’s fiance for the first time today. I went to an internet cafe before I went to her house for dinner with them. I was on a computer and there was this really attractive man next to me. I was flirting with him and we exchanged numbers. Turns out, he is my sister’s fiance. KMN

My attractive boss sat me down in the break room to say how much she appreciated how much work I’ve been doing despite being a temp. She was wearing a skirt, and I couldn’t take my eyes off her legs. She then patted me on the leg and said “Good Talk”. It wasn’t my leg. KMN

I was working my job when I overheard two women talking. One of them asked her friend, “Is being pretty a requirement to work here?” Her friend turned to see me, turned back to her friend and said, “I guess not.” KMN

I rented a car that has a smart key. The proximity of the key determines when the doors will unlock. I went to a meeting and returned to the car with the trunk popped open and all my luggage gone. The rental company decided to store a spare key in the glovebox for safe keeping. KMN

I got a paper back after a peer review. I had worked really hard on it over the last week and was proud of the end result. When I got the paper back the only positive comment on the paper was “well I really like the blue staple you used to hold it together.” KMN

I felt compelled to start a website called “Kill Me Now” on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a date. I think pretty easy to connect the dots. KMN.