Today is Velociraptor Awareness Day. Here at Lowdown HQ, we thought that it would be a good idea to help you prepare for an encounter with a “six-foot man-eating turkey”.

Aside from the usual survival kit and first-aid kit (seriously, if you think you can get away from a raptor without a scratch… think again), here are a few things you should be aware of.

1. Plan your escape route.

People plan their escape routes just in case there is a house fire. Well, the same thing applies here. You don’t want to wait til you encounter a velociraptor in order to plan an escape. Velociraptors are intelligent creatures and chances are, they can outsmart you! According to Dr. Alan Grant, velociraptors are smarter than dolphins, whales and some primates. So make several alternate routes because the last thing you need is a roadblock with a raptor on your tail.

2. Use a rapid firing weapon.

Never use a shotgun or a hunting rifle. A raptor will not wait for you to reload your gun before it jumps you. You know what? Bring a flamethrower while you’re at it. If you happen to encounter a raptor, you can at least attempt to cook it. A dinosaur of that size can feed you for weeks.

3. Do not carry any good smelling food items with you.

Raptors have a very good sense of smell, so don’t carry anything that can grab their attention. Also, you should not carry any eggs or anything that resemble those round white objects. If those raptors think you stole their eggs, they’ll never stop coming after you.

4. Don’t wear anything bright clothing or perfume/cologne.

Nothing does a better job at screaming “eat me” than bright clothes and things that make you smell nice.

5. You gotta move quickly. Be quick or be dead!

Thankfully we got cars nowadays to help our escape. However, if you don’t have one, grab some wheels. Do whatever it takes to get out! You can always go by feet, but chances are, the raptors can outrun you.

6. If you don’t have any choice and you are going by feet: don’t fall down!

Nuff said.

7.Whatever you do, don’t look back.

If a raptor is chasing you, keep running. There’s no need to take a look back to see if it’s still on your tail because chances are, it still wants to eat you.

See the dude at the end of the video? He looked back and now he’s dead!

8. Get a boat.

Unless you have an amphibious car, I suggest you get a boat. Head over to a lake, sea or ocean and prepare to leave sail away to safety. Not only will you look cooler and increase your chance of picking up a few chicks in distress, you will also be away from raptor territory. They won’t be able to swim and come after you! Oh while you’re at it, bring T-Pain with you, it’ll make things interesting.

And finally let’s pay our respects to those who lost their lives while battling these ferocious creatures…

Dr. Ray Arnold. He unwittingly set those raptors free…

…
and whoever was stupid enough to go to those dinosaur infested islands. You will be missed… or not. On the bright side, at least you’ll have your name included in the Darwin awards!