The Best of F My Life (Part 4)

It’s time for another part in our ongoing series in the best of the interweb that can help you through your day. We haven’t looked at the best of the hilariously depressing stories of F My Life since August so let’s make up for it now. After all, it’s the best site to go to for stories that make your life seem just that little bit better because it could be so much worse.

(All stories in this post should be considered sic’d.)

Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her.She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she’s looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I’m going to medical school. FML

Today, I was rejected from the University of Washington. My dad has been a professor there for 30 years, and is on the board of admissions. FML

Today, my phone decided to delete all my numbers. I posted on Facebook that people should message or text me if they felt like I should have their number. I didn’t get a single reply. FML

Today, I got chickenpox. I’m 28 and having chickenpox as an adult is excruciatingly painful. When I told my boss I wasn’t going to be at work today because of chickenpox he replied, “That’s the worst excuse I’ve ever heard. Adults don’t get chickenpox.” He then fired me. FML

Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don’t have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML

Today, my husband sent an email invite to his family about our daughter’s upcoming birthday. Upon reading the email, his aunt clicked “reply all” while emailing her husband and said, “I’d rather say we’re out of town than see that dumb bitch our nephew calls his wife.” FML

Today, my fiancee broke up with me. Via a myspace message. While we were in the same apartment. FML

Today, I was in class when someone came in with a rose for me. My teacher made me read the card aloud: “I’m breaking up with you, happy Valentine’s.” It was from my boyfriend. FML

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

Today, I got a phone call saying I was no longer a bridesmaid for a wedding in June. It’s my mom’s 4th wedding.I’m getting replaced by our dog. FML

Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, “please don’t make me do this.” FML

Today, I decided to take a nap. My boyfriend gave me some sleeping pills but I decided last minute not to take them. I woke up to my boyfriend kissing my neck and unbuttoning my shirt. Without opening my eyes, I whispered “ooh this is so romantic.” He blurted out shocked, “Oh…you’re awake?!” FML

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room… my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

Today, I got a call from the hospital that my fiance was in the ER. When I arrived at the hospital they told me that he had a heart attack while making love. FML

Today, I realized I get more pleasure from a tampon than my boyfriend I have been having sex with for the past six months. FML

Today, I was talked into having sex with my boyfriend of 4 years. I had always wanted to wait till marriage but my boyfriend convinced me otherwise. Once we were done, he said he could never marry me because I was no longer pure. FML

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. I texted her and I would never talk to her again. But I accidentally sent it to my other best friend, who responded, “I’m so sorry, I never meant for you to find out”. My two best friends cheated with my boyfriend. FML

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, “Beat ya!” She’s thirteen. FML

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type ‘virginia’ into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for ‘virgin boy assholes’. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I’m a young guy. FML

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