The Best of F My Life (Part 2)

It’s time for another part in our ongoing series in the best of the interweb that can help you through your day. (Well, the interweb that is outside of The Lowdown Blog.) For the second time, I take us back for some more of the best stories of F My Life. It’s the best site to go to for stories that make your life seem just that little bit better because it could be so much worse.

(All stories in this post should be considered sic’d.)

Today, my girlfriend left me. Why? Because I “put work before her.” I’ve been working 80 hours a week to save up for a down payment on a house for the two of us. It was her idea for me to work this way. FML

Today, I went on what I thought was a date with the guy I’ve been in love with for a year. While on said “date,” he called another girl and asked her out for later that night. FML

Today, I found out I was dating the wrong girl for me. After 9 months of dating and just getting engaged, she asked to see my license so she could find out her new last name. She didn’t know my last name. FML

Today, my boyfriend of four years left me for a girl on WoW. Yes, World of Warcraft. They have never met in real life before. FML

Today, I was riding my bike home when my boyfriend’s parents drove past, and called out to me. I looked over at them and smashed into a lamppost. FML

Today, my boyfriend of six years left me for another girl. As if this wasn’t heartbreaking enough, it was the girl he had insisted I meet six months ago, stating that we would get on well because we “are so much alike.” FML

Today, I found out my husband has been slipping me birth control pills for the last year. We’ve also been trying to conceive for a year. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about an ex-girlfriend of his. I asked if she was prettier than me. He said, “No, honey. You know I don’t like pretty girls.” FML

Today, a group of kids with their teacher were walking by me. One of them pointed at me and asked their teacher if I was a boy or girl. The teacher responded with, “That’s a boy.” Wrong. FML

Today, I was visiting the chiropractor for some back pain I’ve had for quite a while. While I was laying on the bench, the doctor snapped my back and I shit my pants. FML

Today, I woke up with a rash around my mouth that looks like herpes. Turns out my orthodontist used latex gloves on me, even though there is a note on the screen that specifically says that I am allergic to latex. FML

Today, I was going down the slide at a water park when my bikini top came off. I hurried out of the pool to the bathroom to fix it, only, I didn’t realize I’d run into the mens room. FML

Today, I was hit in the jaw with a softball while in gym. The nurse sent me home for x-rays. Once my mom was home, I told her what happened. She said she didn’t want to spend her money on “useless x-rays.” I’m swollen, enduring excruciating pain, and can barely open my mouth. Thanks Mom. FML

Today, at a grocery store, I saw an elderly woman in a wheelchair trying to push her shopping cart. It looked very difficult and I wasn’t in a hurry so I offered to push the cart for her. To which she said, “I can push my own cart and you can just f*** off.” FML

Today, I was at my sister’s wedding. Before I left, I decided it would be best to go to the bathroom at the church, instead of the restaurant. Turns out I went to the wrong one and got yelled at in public by the Priest for using HIS bathroom. FML

Today, I was assigned to a perverted, old man while I was working in a nursing home. He had been hitting on me the entire morning and had even smacked my ass during meal time. He later took a crap in my hand when I was told to give him a shower. FML

Today, I was in my office’s pantry making some coffee. My 50 year old male boss came by and grabbed my crotch and butt at the same time, squeezing them. I have to go on a 1-week overseas trip with him in two days and we are sharing a room. I think it’s time for me to quit. FML

Today, my mother decided getting her hair done was more important than being there for the birth of her first grandchild. FML

Today, at a family gathering, I decided to tell all my family that I would have a baby soon, when my drunk uncle calls out, “We thought you were just getting fat!” I am adopting. FML

Today, I boarded a crowded train. I am heavily pregnant and I looked around, hoping someone would offer me their seat. No one did. An old lady did call me a slut though. FML

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