Not News of the Week

If it’s not worth talking about, then it must be the 41st edition of the Not News of the Week.

You can find strip clubs everywhere and all sorts of people in them but they do things differently in South Carolina. One strip club in South Carolina was found by police to be operating out of a trailer with patrons as young as 12-years-old sitting around a pole. Police received a tip to head to a trailer park when a disgruntled customer called in a complaint when he didn’t get what he wanted. He had bought a $25 “VIP” lap dance but apparently wasn’t satisfied with the service. The woman who owned the trailer and ran the one-woman strip club was charged with eight counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor for her trouble. However, I don’t think the kids really see the problem with all this.

Apparently crime isn’t a common thing on Rhode Island. I figure that because two Cranston police officers were recently brought up on internal affairs charges because they took time out for booty calls while on duty. They have been brought up on charges of having sex while on duty, failing to cover man assigned beat, and failing to report a suspicious person in their area. The Cranston police chief called their actions twisted and deplorable. I think that comment may stem from the two officers having a threesome with a woman on a downed tree. That whole incident seems kinda bizarre.

Some people out there have plastic geese as lawn ornaments but it may not be a great idea. One woman found this out the hard way when she was chased by a goose that took a liking to her fake goose. She tried to leave her house one afternoon but was chased back by a male goose who was trying to work his mating season magic. Any time the woman even opened her door, she faced a charging goose. Of course, the lawn ornament goose saw some action as well. The real goose was attempting to mount the ornament with little success. The woman called up six male friends for help but none of them could chase the goose away. They had to distract the goose while the ornament was removed. With his would be missing, the goose finally left after holding the woman hostage for a day.

If you’re drunk, the best thing you can say to the cops is “I want to speak to a lawyer.” A man was arrested for public intoxication and gave police permission to search his car. Inside the car, police found a safe and suspected that drugs were inside but the drunk man couldn’t open it. Then another drunk man strolled up to the car and gave police permission to search him. On the second drunk man, they found the keys to the safe. Inside the safe, police found two bags of marijuana. So the lesson from all that: Don’t let the cops search anything without a warrant.

Another week, another story about a ridiculous ASBO (anti-social behaviour order). A man as handed an ASBO for yelling at his TV while watching politics coverage on the BBC. In order to avoid violating his ASBO, the man must obviously not yell at his TV. However, the judge that issued the order went farther and told the man to stop watching political programming on television and to stop drinking. The thing I hate about ASBOs is that it seems so much like 1984 that I’m shocked that the British Empire wasn’t retroactively renamed Oceania. England seems quite content to control what you do.

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