Not News of the Week

If it’s not worth talking about, then it must be the Not News of the Week.

A Scottish man was fined £600 for assaulting a police officer. Police were called to hid home because he was very, very drunk. When police got there, the man dropped his pants, whipped out his penis and thrust it in the face of a policewoman. According to the police report, she ducked out of the way of the flailing penis just before it hit her. How they got into a position where the man could almost hit the officer in the face with his penis, no one will ever know. However, the guy must be disappointed. His reputation could have gotten a huge boost from a conviction for assault with a deadly weapon.

Some criminals make things so easy for the police that calling them criminals would be a disservice to the cops. A woman was arrested in an Iowa police station for public impairment. When police searched her backpack to see what she was up to, they found lithium batteries, coffee filter, pseudoephedrine, rubber gloves, and acid which is all the makings for a meth lab. Yes, a woman walked into a police station with a mobile meth lab. Cops can’t complain too loudly about being underpaid. The criminals are doing all their work for them.

Don’t screw with the IRS because their agents will rain vengence upon thee. Two dark-suited IRS agent paid a visit to a car wash in California over some overdue taxes. They barged in, threw their wait around and demanded the full payment they were owed which came to a grand total of 4 cents. The owner of the car wash had taken his time and had accrued 4 cents of interest charges before he paid. Apparently, the 4 cents was enough to warrant the IRS sending two agents over to collect. Of course, the IRS would like you to know that you can still avoid paying hundreds of thousands in back taxes as long as you’re willing to bribe folks.

Mind control is something often found in fiction but don’t tell that to the CIA. An investigative journalist has discovered evidence that the CIA experimented with mind control in France during the Cold War. In 1951, a village in southern France dealt with a rash of hallucinations and deaths that were thought to be caused be a strange mould that found its way into some bread. It turns out that the CIA had spiked the bread with LSD. So what’s worse: LSD-induced deaths in a mind-control experiments or waterboarding? I’ll take the acid trip.

It’s generally a bad idea to reconnect with an ex and a man in England is now Exhibit A of that. He was driving his ex-girlfriend when he spurned her advances and said he wouldn’t consider getting back with her. So she responded the best way she could: By stabbing him in the penis with with a six-inch knife. The ex-girlfriend just happened to be carrying the kitchen knife in her purse when she met up with her ex. She was convicted of a few different offenses and is being sent for an psychiatric evaluation before sentencing. And the guy’s penis is alright… If needing stiches is alright.

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