Not News of the Week

I may be on my way back from Michigan International Speedway but that doesn’t mean that things don’t roll along as usual. It’s time for the weird, the wacky, and the wonderful on the Not News of the Week. This week’s theme is doctors and surgery.

A British paramedic who allegedly had oral sex in a hospital parking lot while on duty claimed he was only trying to comfort a woman. That doesn’t explain why he was caught on a security camera sitting in the passenger seat of a car with a woman’s head in his lap. A hospital security guard saw the couple sitting in the car and, thinking that they were suspicious, focused a security camera on them. What he got was a 14 minute live sex show. The security guard said, “In the footage, her head does go to his lap. Her head does appear to go up and down.” The hospital’s security chief also saw the pair go at it on camera and said that it wasn’t the first time that the hospital parking lot was used for a conjugal visit.

While British paramedics do exciting and/or more risqué things that get them in trouble, Canadian paramedics are decidedly more boring. While on strike in Toronto, a paramedic stole an ambulance and parked it in front of city hall with the lights flashing and a strike placard on the side. For his act of civil disobedience, he was suspended without pay for 30 days and criminally charged with taking a vehicle without consent and mischief to property. He defended his actions by saying that the public had to know that paramedics were on strike. I guess being the lead story on the national news for nearly a month wasn’t enough.

Last week, surgeons pulled off Britain’s first eyelash transplant. They performed the surgery on a 19-year-old woman who suffers from a condition that causes the sufferer to obsessively pluck out their hair. Surgeons took hairs from the back of her head and placed them into her eyelids. The procedure costs over $6,000 (CAD) and it takes four to six months for the new lashes to thicken to a normal look. Of course, it bears asking if the price is worth it if she likely to just pull them out anyway.

A Russian tourist decided that the Mona Lisa needed some work done to her. She took a terracotta mug that she bought at the Louvre’s gift shot and through it at the famous painting. Fortunately for art fans, tourists heading to Paris, and the operators of the Louvre, the mug harmlessly shattered on the bullet-proof shield surrounding the painting. The woman was apprehended by museum security and handed over to Paris police. The gendarmes then handed her over to doctors who are assessing her to determine if she has Stendhal Syndrome, a rare condition that causes an otherwise sane person to lose control and attack a work of art. However, I have another theory: She’s a KGB agent that is looking to destroy France’s economy by destroying their most prized piece art so no tourists would come to Paris anymore.

A Welsh beauty queen has something that you can’t see in the swimsuit part of the competition: A fragile ego. A 21-year-old law graduate decided to spend £3,500 on plastic surgery because a friend of her’s on Facebook told her that she had a big nose. The woman claims that she had hated her nose since the age of 12 thinking it was too big, off centre, and had a bump on it. It wasn’t until somebody else said something that she decided to get something done about it. It was only two weeks from reading the comment to going under the knife. Since undergoing surgery, she’s replaced her Facebook profile picture with one featuring her new nose and finished second-runner-up in the Miss Caerphilly pageant.

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